In a certain Catholic Church in a certain city . Members who committed adultery or fornication will come to the Bishop and say during the confession that father I have committed adultery or fornication. One day the Bishop became angry and announced that if you commit adultery or fornication just say you fell. No need for details he will understand. So when people commit adultery or fornication at the confession all they say Bishop l fell. And he will say to the member go and sin no more.One day the Bishop was transferred and the new bishop who came to replace did not understand what I fell meant so he took it literally. So one day he went to the town mayor and said to him you have to do something about the side walk. Church Members have been falling. The mayor then realized that the bishop doesn’t know what I fell really means and started to laugh at him. Then the Bishop said to him “if I were you I will not be laughing. Your wife fell three times this week. Whose fault is it ..?
*Man* offers a drink to a woman.
*Woman*: No thanks, I don’t take whisky. It’s bad for my legs!
*Man*: Legs? Thats strange!! Do they swell or hurt?
*Woman*: No, they open easily!!! 😂
*An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said ” That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. “*
*Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. ” my monkey has grown hair. ” her sister smiled and said ” That’s Nothing, mine is already eating Banana.”*
*Her Mom fainted..*
My neighbour’s kid came running to me asking, “Uncle, what is that thing called when two people sleep in the bedroom and one is on top of the other?”
Initially, I was shocked, then quickly recovered and thought that it would be good to be honest. I then described everything about marriage and sex.
Kid said “okay” and ran back to his house.
A short while later, he returned, and said “Uncle, it’s called a bunk-bed! And my parents want to talk to you now…”
*MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER*
*Time*: *3Hrs 30MINS*
*INSTRUCTIONS:* *ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS.*
*ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS*
*1.* You have dated a girl for *two* years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. *(20 marks)*
*2.* You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. *(20 marks)*
*3. For Boys* You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s
*(a)* Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. *(15marks)*
*(b)* Use your graph to estimate your future poverty *(5marks)*
*4.* You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. *(20 marks)*
*5.* You are a *civil servant*, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than N50,000. Your daughter who is awaiting *GCE* result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy worth N90,000 each. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. *(20 marks)*
*6. *For girls* You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labour, use the law of diminishing Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. *(20 marks)*
*7.* You can’t give your wife N1,000 for a pot of soup, but you spend over N5,000 in bars and restaurant. Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142 *(20 marks)*
8.* You have been in the church and in your fellowship for years but your name is not in the book of LIFE because of the secret sin. Calculate the years you will spend in HELL? (30 mark)
*SECTION B: Theory.*
In one word give 5 reason why is difficult for Ladies to propose.
Your Time Starts Now. But remember to share to all your friends because the question papers are not much to go round.
Good morning and have a lovely weekend!