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Error in transaction!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

My friend invited me to his church for a thanksgiving service, and I sat at the front row.
When it was time for offering, the offering basket was passed around.

Despite the Pastor’s charge for good offering, I still hurriedly and secretly pulled out my usual N20.00 from my pocket and dropped it inside the offering basket. Just then the man behind me tapped me on the shoulder and handed me 3 notes of 1000naira. 

I smiled..so generous. Then majestically, I looked around and called back the usher and put the 3k in the basket and passed it on. I turned to thank the man seriously for being so generous and he replied “Don’t mention my dear, be morecareful next time, the money fell from your pocket”. 

 Me: 😳😳😳 “Whaaaat!!!!!?? Usher please wait o, wrong transaction!!.”😱😱

Don’t laugh alone, cheer someone else up…πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ‘πŸ½

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Tan joo… from China!

This has made my day.TANJOOBERRYMUTTS

By the time you read through this you will understand “TANJOOBERRYMUTTS”. Believe me… you WILL understand!!!

Here goes… The following is a telephonic exchange between a Hotel guest & room-service in China …

Room Service: “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

Guest: “Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service.”

Room Service: “Rye, Roon sirbees… morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen?”

Guest: “Uh… Yes, I’d like to order bacon & eggs.”

Room Service: “Ow ulai den?”

Guest: ” …….What?”

Room Service: “Ow ulai den?… Pryed, boyud, pochd?”

Guest: “Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please.”

Room Service: “Ow ulai dee bayken? Creepse?”

Guest: “Crisp will be fine.”

Room Service: “Hokay. An sahn toes?”
Guest: “What?”
Room Service: “An toes. ulai sahn toes?”

Guest: “I…. Don’t think so..”

RoomService: “No? Udo wan sahn toes?”
Guest: “I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what ‘udo wan sahn toes’ means.”

RoomService: “Toes! Toes!… Why Uoo don wan toes?… Ow bow anglish moppin we botter?”

Guest: “Oh, English muffin!! I’ve got it! You were saying ‘toast’… Fine…Yes, an English muffin will be fine.”

RoomService: “We botter?”

Guest: “No, just put the botter on the side.”

RoomService: “Wad?”
Guest: “I mean butter… Just put the butter on the side.”

RoomService: “Copy?”
Guest: “Excuse me?”

Room Service: “Copy.. tea… meel?”

Guest: “Yes. Coffee, please… And that’s everything.”

Room Service: “One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken, Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh & copy… Rye?”

Guest: “Whatever you say.”

Room Service: “Tanjooberrymutts.”

Guest: “You’re welcome”

Remember I did say “By the time you read through this… YOU WILL UNDERSTAND ‘TANJOOBERRYMUTTS’ . Have a peaceful night rest . Amen.

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Communication basics

I am going to share what i learnt on Communication with you guys this evening.We all communicate in one way or the other everyday. This communication could be verbal or non-verbal. It’s been discovered that in meeting someone for the first time,the communication goes in this manner : words- 7%, tone- 37% and Physiology (body language)- 56%. The body language plays a big role in what you are saying. 

There are barriers to effective communication and they are: Values and Interests- Ones value system,belief and interests could be a barrier in communication.

Perception- The way you perceive someone can affect the way you talk to the person unknowingly.

Assumption- When one assumes a particular thing,it can affect the tone and way of communication to the other party.

Emotion (Anger)- When people are in the wrong mood,it can affect the way they communicate. 

Cultural Background also affects our way of communication. 

We are all guilty of the above barriers in one way or the other. This has cause serious damage to relationships. 

We need to understand that we are all different and communicate in different ways. 
I can tell Richy that ‘he is not well’ and he won’t get offended but I dare not say that to Chike but then Malu can say that to him and it won’t mean anything. The difference is the level we have attained in our relationship. 

I can use ‘you are soooo silly’ for my close friends but won’t do that for some other group of friends because it will be misunderstood. If by mistake I say that to an acquaintance or a casual friend,he or she might read meaning into it and God save you if the person is of the critical temperament. 

These are things that bring conflict in rships and when it happens,its usually necessary for one to open up and it helps people understand themselves better. 

The first time Kodyl used the word “nuts” we were like Kodyl na wa oooh. But really I don’t think she meant it in a bad way but it came like gbam!!! But right now,nobody attaches any importance to the use of the “nuts” because we use it playfully now.

Text messages and comments on social media sometimes could be perceived wrongly as a result of above barriers.

People cannot be us and can never be us. Hence the need to accomodate, make excuses when necessary,over look when need be and Sympathise with people. 
If you are misunderstood,make people understand you. Really,you don’t expect people who do not have a close rship with you to understand you easily. It is going to take time as the friendship grows. Conflict is good to an extent because it brings out the best in rships. Do not shy away from it rather think of how to resolve it. But for a trouble maker,it takes too to tango,if you are not ready for fights or trouble,i am sure the other party will have nothing to make trouble with. 

As much as possible my people. Let us try to let go for the sole purpose of Peaceful co existence. Having in mind that a lot of experiences over time has shaped our lives in different ways. Our temperaments differ and the environment we grew up differs.

None of us decided how and where we are born into. 

I read a book and the author said,Imagine if your parents were Rattlesnakes,there is every possibly that you will be a rattlesnake and the funny thing is that you don’t get to choose who gives birth to you, the environment you are born into as well as your religion. Each one of us are shaped by all of these,hence the need for us not to be judgemental or critical of one another.

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TGIF!!! #PG25

In a certain Catholic Church in a certain city . Members who committed adultery or fornication will come to the Bishop and say during the confession that father I have committed adultery or fornication. One day the Bishop became angry and announced that if you commit adultery or fornication just say you fell. No need for details he will understand. So when people commit adultery or fornication at the confession all they say Bishop l fell. And he will say to the member go and sin no more.One day the Bishop was transferred and the new bishop who came to replace did not understand what I fell meant so he took it literally. So one day he went to the town mayor and said to him you have to do something about the side walk. Church Members have been falling. The mayor then realized that the bishop doesn’t know what I fell really means and started to laugh at him. Then the Bishop said to him “if I were you I will not be laughing. Your wife fell three times this week. Whose fault is it ..? 


*Man* offers a drink to a woman.

 *Woman*: No thanks, I don’t take whisky. It’s bad for my legs!

 *Man*: Legs? Thats strange!! Do they swell or hurt?

 *Woman*: No, they open easily!!! πŸ˜‚


*An 11 year old girl realized that she had started to grow hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her Mom about the hair. Her Mom calmly said ” That part where hair has grown is called a Monkey, be proud that your Monkey has grown hair. “* 

*Next morning at breakfast she told her sister. ” my monkey has grown hair. ” her sister smiled and said ” That’s Nothing, mine is already eating Banana.”*

*Her Mom fainted..*

My neighbour’s kid came running to me asking, “Uncle, what is that thing called when two people sleep in the bedroom and one is on top of the other?” 

Initially, I was shocked, then quickly recovered and thought that it would be good to be honest. I then described everything about marriage and sex. 

Kid said “okay” and ran back to his house. 
A short while later, he returned, and said “Uncle, it’s called a bunk-bed! And my parents want to talk to you now…”



*Time*: *3Hrs 30MINS*



*1.* You have dated a girl for *two* years, eventually she drops you for another guy. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. *(20 marks)*

*2.* You bought a phone for your girlfriend and she gave it to another guy. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. *(20 marks)*

*3. For Boys* You’re dating around 15 girls and every girl is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s 

*(a)* Plot a graph of girls against prices of phones. *(15marks)*

*(b)* Use your graph to estimate your future poverty *(5marks)*

*4.* You are dating other peoples’ sisters yet you don’t want to see any guy with your sister. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. *(20 marks)*

*5.* You are a *civil servant*, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than N50,000. Your daughter who is awaiting *GCE* result is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy worth N90,000 each. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. *(20 marks)*

*6. *For girls* You’re a girl and you have dated 20 guys with hard labour, use the law of diminishing Return to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. *(20 marks)*

*7.* You can’t give your wife N1,000 for a pot of soup, but you spend over N5,000 in bars and restaurant.   Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take Ο€=3.142 *(20 marks)*

8.* You have been in the church and in your fellowship for years but your name is not in the book of LIFE because of the secret sin. Calculate the years you will spend in HELL? (30 mark)

*SECTION B: Theory.*
In one word give 5 reason why is difficult for Ladies to propose. 

Your Time Starts Now. But remember to share to all your friends because the question papers are not much to go round.  

Good morning and have a lovely weekend!

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You WILL walk! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€—

DON’T LAUGH ALONEI attended a crusade and someone touched my shoulder and said “YOU WILL WALK”. I didn’t bother because I knew I was not lame. After the crusade, I touched my pocket and I couldn’t find my wallet which contained my transport fare“`!!!… Behold, I WALKED!!πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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