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Courtship/Dating

Welcome to my blog section! 🙂

The Battle of the Sexes: Men love Looks, Women love Success…who was “right” in this video? Click on image below…

Poll: 

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TRUE INTERPRETATIONS

“WHAT EACH KISS MEANS”
– Kiss on the Forehead: We’re cute together .
– Kiss on the Cheek: We’re friends.
– Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
– Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
– Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
– Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU…
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WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
– Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
– Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
– Looking into each other’s Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
– Playing with Hair: Let’s fool around.
– Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
– Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
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ADVICE:
– If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you’re definitely
in Love.
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THOUGHTS…How Prepared Are You For A BLISSFUL MARRIAGE?
When I see singles teaching about relationship and marriage, I smile and when I see singles saying “I want my spouse to do this and this for me in marriage, I laugh!
A blissful marriage is achieved more easily in an “US” marriage than a “ME” one. If your dream is only what your spouse can do for you, you are not fit for marriage! Selfishness is at the root of any “ME’ marriage! Marriage is a serious business! It is not a child’s play! Any street boy or girl can organize a WEDDING CEREMONY but it takes A MATURE MAN/ WOMAN to build A BLISSFUL MARRIAGE. Getting married could
be easy, Staying married is another matter! That’s why Marriage is not for boys and girls but for mature men and women who are ready for responsibilities! In all honesty, Marriage is not all about kisses, sex, flowers, cinemas, cakes, chocolates and vacations alone. It
is about cooking even when you don’t feel like it, it is all about Pampers, crying babies, working, paying school fees and so on. It is about budgets, plans, strategies and divine wisdom. It is about submission to your husband who you sometimes think is hard, insensitive and unloving. It is about loving your wife who you sometimes think is stubborn and does not want to  be corrected and can nag from morning till next day.  Marriage is for those who are ready to make it work not for quitters! Someone said “If you want to be happy, don’t get married but if you want to make someone happy, get married because Marriage is not all about you but its all about you trying your utmost to make your spouse happy and bringing out the best in him/her!
Marriage is sharing! Sharing of everything! That’s why those who are stingy are not fit for marriage! How Prepared Are You For A BLISSFUL MARRIAGE?

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Courtship Might Be Dying or it’s at least in ICU

 

“I blame Steve Jobs and the invention of the smartphone!” That’s what my dear friend, E, shouted as we discussed the latest in my personal life during Scandal’s commercial break. I’d shared with her that a new guy, whom I’d named the “Texting King,” had fallen into the Black Hole of Dating after one too many iMessage exchanges without phone calls or dates. The last thing I need is a text buddy.

“Technology has killed courting (or as my mama would call it, “coatin’”), Alisha,” E said, “It’s not the same, and you need to write about it.” I took her up on the offer, but Alex Williams, New York Times writer, beat me to the punch (Ah, the struggle of writing in an online world).  In yesterday’s edition, he wrote, “The End of Courtship?,” which took a deep dive into the slow demise of traditional courting and dating through the eyes of millennials. Mr. Williams, you obviously know my life, except I’m not a millennial anymore.

Professional twenty-somethings, mostly women, gave their perspective on dating, suggesting that the days of “dinner and a movie” are long gone. They’re receiving invitations to “hang out,” rather than go on a date … and via text message and tweets.  He writes:

“It’s one step below a date, and one step above a high-five,” she added. Dinner at a romantic new bistro? Forget it. Women in their 20s these days are lucky to get a last-minute text to tag along. Raised in the age of so-called “hookup culture,” millennials — who are reaching an age where they are starting to think about settling down — are subverting the rules of courtship.”

How dreadful. Thankfully, I’m fortunate, and apparently, old enough to have grown up in an era where real dates are normal. I’ve been on a range of dates: to the movies, dinner, outdoor concerts, out to shoot pool, long walks, etc.. They were formal, planned, and carefully thought out and some were spontaneous. As we become more inundated with technology, however, I’ve also come across some men whose idea of getting know you is engaging in heavy text conversation ONLY to delay spending real-time. When and how did that happen?

In my mind, too much e-communication in the beginning of any ‘ship is a no-no. That text you send me in the middle of the work day meant to be funny and sweet means nothing when I don’t know you well enough to know your humor or “get you.” It can cause confusion and sometimes “LOL” isn’t a cure-all.

After finishing Williams’ story, I had to answer his question. Is courtship dead? No, and neither gender “killed” it. We both play important roles in what we attempt to deem as appropriate in courting and what we are willing to accept.

What courtship is, though, is lazy, lacking creativity, and afraid.

We’re hanging out, instead of dating because “hanging” sounds less intimidating, as if a first date is a marriage proposal, instead of a starting point. We’re shocked when “hanging out” leads us to the Friend Zone. We haven’t seen people in our lives date properly. Real dates only happen on TV. We think that knowing someone via social media is the same as knowing who they really are, so we dismiss the value of face-to-face interaction. We are too busy, supposedly. We don’t have enough time to spend even an hour to have a meaningful conversation with someone we’re interested in.

We’re afraid of rejection and would die on the spot if a request for a date was denied over the phone, so a crummy text will have to do. We don’t want to come off as “thirsty” when we suggest to guys the proper way to initiate, so we text back, “Sure, what time?” We think courtship and deep pockets are one in the same. We’d rather have expensive dinners where we check our phones constantly than quiet time at a coffee shop or bookstore. No way he’s spending a heap of money on you when he doesn’t even know if he really likes you. Yes, it costs to date seriously, but we forget that getting to know someone is priceless.

So considering all of that, we’ve all got some work to do, internally even. While every person does not partake in this new culture, it’s very easy to unknowingly follow suit. Dating shouldn’t become the floppy disk of relationships. If you’re uncomfortable with something, speak up for change. And if change doesn’t transpire, there’s always that “moving on” thing.

– Written by Alisha Tillery in clutchmag

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LETTING GO OF REGRETS TO LIVE JOYFULLY AGAIN

In life, you may have gone through bitter and ugly relationships. Maybe you were just treated unfairly or things just didn’t work out as planned even when you gave it your all and you felt really hurt. There are also times when you had seen the handwriting on the wall, but you just hate to face the truth, giving all kind of excuses and yet things still didn’t work out.

But really, bad times like this could be good lessons. You never lose, you only gain from life. It’s just a matter of your perspective. If you lose something, you lose it for a reason, that reason may be hard to understand but whatever it is, you just have to believe that GOD takes away when He has something better to give.

It’s time to bury those old memories, let it go. It’s okay to shed those tears, sound it all off but don’t remain there for too long. Life is too short for regrets. Regrets are meant to teach us what to do better next time; evaluated experience is the best teacher.

It’s time to evaluate your own shortcomings, call a spade a spade and not a big spoon. As Julius Caesar once said, “he who fails to learn from the hands of history is doomed to repeat it”. Many a time, instead of learning from our past experiences, you find yourself repeating them.

Have that courage to love again. Courage is the answer to all your fears. It is not always that easy but the Grace of GOD is always available. Forgive whoever may have hurt you; it does you more favour than the other person. As Joyce Meyer said “harbouring unforgiveness is like eating poison and hoping that your enemy will die”.

Let the past pass away so that you do not pass away with your past.

Don’t let the fear of your past turn good people who may want to come into your life neither does anyone deserve to pay for your ex’s sins. Vengeance is of GOD’s. Don’t use that single experience if not more to form a theory that all others will be the same.
In all, forgive yourself and the other person and trust GOD for the best for you deserve the best. Value, respect and appreciate yourself for GOD values and loves you so much.

Take that bold step.
Isaiah 43:18-19: Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old.Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?

REMAIN BLESSED

10 WAYS TO AVOID MARRYING THE WRONG PERSON.

1. Do Not Marry Potential:
Oftentimes men consider marrying a woman hoping she never changes while a woman considers marrying a man she hopes she can change. This is the wrong approach on both accounts. Don’t assume that you can change a person after you’re married to them or that they will reach their potential. There is no guarantee, after all, that those changes will be for the better. In fact, it’s often for the worse. If you can’t accept someone or imagine living with them as they are then don’t marry them. These differences can include a number of things such as ideological or practical differences in religion, habits, hygiene, communication skills, etc.

2. Choose Character over Chemistry:
While chemistry and attraction are no doubt important, character precedes them both. A famous quote follows, “Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning.” The idea of falling “in love” should never be the sole reason for marrying someone; it is very easy to confuse infatuation and lust for love. The most important character traits to look for include humility, kindness, responsibility, & happiness. Here’s a breakdown of each trait:

Humility: The humble person never makes demands of people but rather always does right by them. They put their values and principles above convenience and comfort. They are slow to anger, are modest, and avoid materialism.

Kindness: The kind person is the quintessential giver. They seek to please and minimize the pain of others. To know if a person is a giver, observe how they treat their family, siblings, and parents. Do they have gratitude towards their parents for all that they’ve done for them? If not, then know that they will never appreciate what you do for them. How do they treat people they don’t have to be kind towards (i.e. waiters, sales associates, employees, etc)? How do they spend their money? How do they deal with anger; their own anger and their reaction to someone else’s anger?

Responsibility: A responsible person has stability in their finances, relationships, job, and character. You can you rely on this person and trust what they say.

Happiness: A happy person is content with their portion in life. They feel good about themselves and good about their life. They focus on what they have rather than on what they don’t have. They very rarely complain.

3. Do Not Neglect The Emotional Needs of Your Partner:
Both men and women have emotional needs and in order for a partnership to be successful those needs must be mutually met. The fundamental emotional need of a woman is to be loved. The fundamental emotional need of a man is to be respected and appreciated. To make a woman feel loved give her the three AAAs: Attention, Affection, & Appreciation. To make a man feel loved give him the three RRRs: Respect, Reassurance, & Relief. It is the obligation of each partner to make sure the other is happy and this extends to intimacy as well. As long as each partner is fulfilled by the emotional needs of the other, the intimate relationship will thrive. When a man takes seriously the emotional needs of his wife she will feel more encouraged to fulfill his intimate desires. Likewise, when a woman takes seriously the emotional needs of her husband he will feel more encouraged to give her the affection, love and appreciation she wants from him. Working together in this way encourages both giving and receiving.

4. Avoid Opposing Life Plans:
In marriage you can either grow together or grow apart. Sharing a common purpose in life will increase the chance that you will grow together.
You must know what the person is into. In other words, what are they ultimately passionate about? Then ask yourself, “Do I respect this passion?” “Do I respect what they are into?” The more specifically you define yourself, i.e., your values, your beliefs, your lifestyle, the better chance you have of finding your life partner, your soul mate, the one you are most compatible with.
Remember, before you decide who to take along on a trip, you should first figure out your destination.

5) Avoid Pre-Marital Intimate/Physical Activity:
Recognize that there is incredible wisdom in why God has ordered us to refrain from intimacy before marriage; they are to prevent great harms as well as to keep sacred what is the most blessed part of a relationship between a man and a woman.
Aside from the obvious spiritual consequences, when a relationship gets physical before its time, important issues like character, life philosophy, and compatibility go to the wayside. Consequently, everything is romanticized and it becomes difficult to even remember the important issues let alone talk about them.
Intellectual commitment must be established before emotional or intimate commitment.

6. Avoid Lack of Emotional Connection:
There are four questions that you must answer YES to:

Do I respect and admire this person? What specifically do I respect and admire about this person?
Do I trust this person? Can I rely on them? Do I trust their judgment? Do I trust their word? Can I believe what they say?
Do I feel safe? Do I feel emotionally safe with this person? Can I be vulnerable? Can I be myself? Can I be open? Can I express myself? Do I feel calm and at peace with this person?
If the answer is “I don’t know, I’m not sure, etc.” keep evaluating until you know for sure and truly understand how you feel. If you don’t feel safe now, you won’t feel safe when you are married. If you don’t trust now, this won’t change when you are married!

7. Pay Attention to Your Own Emotional Anxiety:
Choosing someone you don’t feel safe with emotionally is not a good recipe for a long-lasting and loving marriage. Feeling emotionally safe is the foundation of a strong and healthy marriage. When you don’t feel safe, you can’t express your feelings and opinions. Learn how to identify whether you are in an abusive relationship. If you feel you always have to monitor what you say, if you are with someone and you feel you can’t really express yourself and are always walking on eggshells, then it’s very likely you are in an abusive relationship. Look for the following things:

Controlling behavior: This includes controlling the way you act, the way you think, the way you dress, the way you wear your hair/hijab and the way you spend your time. Know the difference between suggestions and demands. Demands are an expression of control and if the demands are implied, than you must do it or there will be consequences. All of these are clear indications of abusive personalities.

Anger issues: This is someone who raises their voice on a regular basis, who is angry, gets angry at you, uses anger against you, uses put downs, and curses at you, etc. You don’t have to put up with this type of treatment. Many people who tolerate this behavior usually come from abusive backgrounds. If this is the case with you or someone you know, get help right away. Deal with those issues before getting married or before even thinking about getting married.

8. Beware of Lack of Openness In Your Partner:
Many couples make the mistake of not putting everything on the table for discussion from the onset. Ask yourself, “What do I need to know to be absolutely certain I want to marry this person?” “What bothers me about this person or the relationship?” It’s very important to identify what’s bothering you, things that concern you, and things you are afraid to bring up for discussion. Then you must have an honest discussion about them. This is a great way to test the strength of your relationship. Bringing up issues when there’s conflict is a great opportunity to really evaluate how well you communicate, negotiate, and work together as a team. When people get into power struggles and blame each other, it’s an indication they don’t work well as a team. Also important is being vulnerable around each other. Ask deep questions of each other and see how your partner responds. How do they handle it? Are they defensive? Do they attack? Do they withdraw? Do they get annoyed? Do they blame you? Do they ignore it? Do they hide or rationalize it? Don’t just listen to what they say but watch for how they say it!

9. Beware of Avoiding Personal Responsibility:
It’s very important to remember no one else is responsible for your happiness. Many people make the mistake of thinking someone else will fulfill them and make their life better and that’s their reason for getting married. People fail to realize that if they are unhappy as a single person, they will continue to be miserable when they are married. If you are currently not happy with yourself, don’t like yourself, don’t like the direction your life is going now, it’s important to take responsibility for that now and work on improving those areas of your life before considering marriage. Don’t bring these issues into your marriage and hope your partner will fix them.

10. Watch Out For Lack of Emotional Health and Availability In Your Potential Partner:
Many people choose partners that are not emotionally healthy or available. One huge problem is when a partner is unable to balance the emotional ties to family members, the marriage ends up having 3 (or more) people in it rather than two. An example of this would be if a man is overly dependent on his mother and brings that relationship into the marriage; this is no doubt a recipe for disaster. Also important to consider are the following:

Avoid people who are emotionally empty inside: These include people who don’t like themselves because they lack the ability to be emotionally available. They are always preoccupied with their deficiencies, insecurities, and negative thoughts. They are in a perpetual fight with depression, never feel good, are isolated, are critical and judgmental; tend to not have any close friends, and often distrust people or are afraid of them. Another clear indication about them is they always feel their needs are not getting met; they have a sense of entitlement and feel angry when they feel people should take care of them and they don’t. They feel burdened by other people’s needs and feel resentment towards them. These people can not be emotionally available to build healthy relationships.
Never marry an addict: Addictions can also limit the level of availability of the partner to build a strong emotional relationship. Addictions are not limited to drugs and alcohol. They can be about addictions and dependency on work, internet, hobbies, sports, shopping, money, power, status, materialism, etc. When someone has an addiction, they will not and cannot be emotionally available to develop an intimate relationship with you.
Furthermore, a successful marriage is one that keeps the laws of family purity which require a certain degree of self-control and self-discipline, as well as the belief that the physical side of the relationship includes the spiritual and emotional side as well. Finding commonality and balance between the spiritual and emotional aspects of a relationship is a strong key to a healthy and thriving marriage.

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR?

DON’T MARRY A STATUS, IMAGE OR A TITLE: God ordained marriage to take place between a man and a woman and not an image or a woman and a title. I plan to marry because she is from a rich family. I will marry him because he is a governor and I will be a first lady in his state. She was the beauty queen of a popular beauty pageant. He is a top football star etc. These are just few examples of reasons why you should not just marry anyone just because of the above mentioned reason, character matters a lot and unfortunately many singles lack good character. God expect you to marry a person not an image, status or title because people are always different outside this public images and title. Things are not always the way they seem and most of the time people are different in their private life from what they are in public after the shows, the performance and the acting, the real person goes home and that is the real deal, so it’s wise to look before you leap.

DO NOT MARRY SOMEONE WHO PROMISES TO CHANGE AFTER: Anyone you meet as an adult with negative traits and who promises to change after marriage is a devil in disguise. If they have not change all through their growth stage before you meet them, if they have not change all through their years of staying under their parents, going to church and serving God, then for them to claim they will change after marriage is a deception. Someone that God has not been able to break and change cannot be changed by marriage. However, you should discern people’s sincerity because some people only get to discover their weaknesses and hidden negative trait during their courtship through their partner, because no one has ever been open and close enough to make them realize it. Change is a process but discernment must be in place to unveil deception and hypocrisy. Singles be careful.

DO NOT MARRY AN EXTREMELY JEALOUS PERSON: Jealousy is a seed that chokes the peace, joy and harmony that should exist in any relationship. It is a negative attitude that makes you grasp at what you have beyond limit until it becomes bondage. A jealous partner or spouse steal, kill and destroy because they are under a negative influence. Marriage should not be a cage or a bondage so open your eyes.A young lady got engaged to a guy who had insecurity problem and hence was extremely jealous to the extent that the fiancée could not talk to anybody of the opposite sex alone. On numerous occasions the guy has beaten her seriously that she spends days in the hospital. It took time for her to make up her mind to break free from the abusive relationship though the guy did not to let her go.

DO NOT MARRY AN EXTREMELY ENVIOUS PERSON: Envy like jealousy is an evil seed and it is a negative drive that makes someone to long for what others have. An envious woman will pressure your life to live and operate above your ability while an envious man will not be focus but have diffused thoughts. Avoid and destroy these negative traits and attitude before marriage or else what you fail to deal with will deal with you. Seek for counsel if need be. Envy begins when you focus on other’s more than yourself, and that makes you concentrate more on what is going on in their life while ignoring the progress in yours. Envy is so destructive that there have been cases of wives becoming envious of their husband’s progress and vice versa. This sounds strange but is a sad reality.

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Photo: 12 things she wishes you understand

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ARE YOU PLANNING TO TIE THE KNOT SOON?

I thought I’d share this with u….The rate at which marriages collapse now is assuming a social symbol status
in our society. In no time, people will be throwing divorce parties and invite friends and well-wishers to celebrate their divorce anniversaries; they will choose aso-ebi, hire a hall and popular musicians & what have you. Even a question like “So when are you getting divorced?” will become commonplace.

If u know u can’t handle the weight & pressures of marriage, please remain single.
If u don’t know what marriage is all about, please remain single until u do.
If u are getting married because of the things u desire or hope to gain from the other person please remain single.
If u know u can’t be faithful, remain single.
If u can’t endure insults from one another, pls remain single.
If u can’t forgive one another’s wrongs, pls remain single.
If u can’t place ur spouse above every other human being, pls remain single!
Don’t get married out of desperation.”Al­l my friends are getting married” is d most foolish reason to get married!
If u desire a successful home and have no clear idea of how to make that happen and EXCEL, think again.
Be very mindful of where you go for advices, many would give, but not many mean well!
Guys, if u know u can’t put ur wife ahead ur ego, pls remain single till u’re mature.
Ur woman is your priority and EVERYTHING else including u comes last.
You are the teacher, the guide, the bodyguard, the role model – u are not a deity or God. So do not expect to be worshipped. You need respect, earn it by being responsible!

Men, if you don’t smash your BB when it Hangs, then don’t lay your hands on a Woman when you are Angry! In fact, NEVER LAY YOUR HANDS ON ANY WOMAN!

If u know u can’t stand being corrected, please remain single, Mr/Mrs I know it all!!!
Btw, Ladies check ur domestic scorecard – if ur score is zero, pls remain single…

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