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Marriage Tinz

FIRST OFF: If you’re Married, Be faithful or stay single! It ain’t cool to cheat.

Start off with this Joke  🙂 (Be sure to visit our library of STRESSBUSTER JOKES here)

My uncle’s wife suspected my uncle was sleeping with their house help. She sent the help to the village for weekend without telling my uncle, and laid a trap for him. That night, they went to bed. He woke up later on, gave his old story “Excuse me dear, I want to watch TV in the sitting room”. She quickly sneaked into the help’s bedroom, switched off the light, stripped and laid on the bed naked.

While lying down, she heard him come in silently and started making love to her. When he finished, she said to him “God has exposed you today, you didn’t expect me on this bed, did you ?”She switched on the light and was shocked to see the gate man.  The gate man said “Madam, I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting you too o.”  😀

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Man on phone: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from office & I’ll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas!” The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said. The following weekend he came home a little tired but looking good.. The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?

He said “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn’t u pack my blue silk pyjamas?” (You’ll love the answer..!!) … She says, “I did…..They’re in your fishing box ”

Game over !!

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How would you feel if the roles were reversed OR your children caught you cheating?

I don’t understand why people would jump into a relationship with somebody if deep down they know that they aren’t ready to stick to just one person & will eventually want to be single again. It isn’t fa

ir to the other person who’s willing to make that commitment while you can’t & they have to get hurt for making themselves vulnerable & you get to just walk away pain free. If you’re having too much fun being single, then enjoy it, nobody’s stopping y

ou from doing that. It’s just once you’re in a relationship, you can’t be doing the things you did while being single because that’s going to only break hearts & make you look like a heartless human being. Let me guess, your excuse is “shit happens, feelings change”? Well, if you’re making excuses, then you obviously aren’t ready, so don’t drag down the people who are ready.

For Two People To Be In Love, 1st They Have To Want Each Other. For Two People To Be In A Relationship, 1st They Have To Understand Each Other. For Two People To Live Together As Husband And Wife, 1st They Have To Sacrifice Their Pride To Make Each Other Happy.
It Takes Two People To Make It Work Coz Both Of You Are The Support Of The Relationship/Marriage So Never Leave Your Spouse To Carry The Emotional Weight Of The Relationship/Marriage Alone Coz If He/She Gives Up, Everything You Both Share Will Come To An End.

Enjoy the posts on this page…

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HOW TO AVOID FALLING OUT OF LOVE by A my Morin,

Falling in love is easy. It’s the staying in love part that is difficult. The emotions involved with falling in love can make you feel like you’re on top of the world. However, that giddy, heart-skipping-a-beat sort of love doesn’t last forever. Without taking steps to acquire a mature love, you can fall out of love just as easily as you fell in love.

Falling in Love

Falling in love is a passive experience that just happens naturally. You don’t need to put in any extra energy or effort. You can just idly get swept off your feet without having to do anything.

When you’re falling in love, emotions take over. In fact, many researchers have documented that when people are falling in love, their brain chemistry actually changes. It’s even been compared to the hypomanic phase of bipolar disorder.

When you’re falling in love, you need less sleep, your appetite changes and you have more energy. Showing affection for one another comes natural. It’s easy to have patience with your new love.

Conversation is exciting and giving of your time and energy doesn’t seem to take much effort because it’s what you want to do. When you’re apart you look forward to seeing one another again.

The feelings at that intensity usually don’t sustain themselves. Most studies say couples experience this magnetic attraction for a maximum of two years. Over time, the intensity of those “in love feelings” naturally begin to fade.

Falling out of Love

As the intensity of those feelings fade, couples can fall out of love. Just as falling in love is a passive experience, falling out of love can be passive as well. Do nothing to nurture your relationship and those feelings will subside. It’s sort of the natural progression.

Over time, you’ll feel less of a need to touch one another. Communicating with one another won’t be as exciting, fresh and new. Going on dates and spending quality time together might start to grow stale.

Couples who choose to do nothing about the fact that those intense feelings have subsided will likely be disappointed with their relationship. They’ll feel disengaged and not connected. They’ll likely experience boredom and loneliness.

It can cause many people to wonder, “Did I marry the right person?” Some people become tempted to find a new love so they can experience those intense emotions again. But, it won’t last forever, even with someone new.

Other people will stay in the marriage, because it’s the right thing to do. However, they might busy themselves with friends and family or even hobbies to try and fill the void in their life that was once filled by love’s intensity. Despite their attempts to fill this void, they won’t really feel satisfied.

Couples who say, “We just sort of fell out of love,” are right. If you don’t put any effort to make sure you stay connected, you won’t have a healthy relationship. However, you don’t have to be a victim in the process.

Mature Love

Once the romantic, intense “in love” feelings subside, you have a choice to engage in a more mature love that can be even deeper and more meaningful. Mature love offers couples a true life partner. It doesn’t have to be boring or stale. Instead, it’s what you make of it because it’s based more on how you behave, rather than simply how you feel.

  1. People who experience mature love don’t allow themselves to passively fall out of love. Instead, they take action.
  2. Choosing to take your relationship to the next level doesn’t come easy. It requires you to behave in a way that is contrary to your feelings at times. It takes hard work, dedication and commitment.
  3. Without the intense “in love” feelings, it’s not as easy to behave lovingly. However, mature love means that you’ll give to your spouse when you don’t feel like giving.
  4. It means you can set your feelings aside to do what is best for the relationship.
  5. People who experience mature love hug and kiss their partner regardless of whether or not it gives them butterflies in their stomach.
  6. They set aside time for the spouse even when they’ve got a hundred and one other things they could be doing.
  7. They are willing to set aside money to go on dates and to do the things they used to do when they were first falling in love, regardless of whether or not they feel like it.
  8. They make a conscious decision every day to behave lovingly toward their spouse.
  9. And they don’t keep score about who contributes the most to the relationship.
  10. Instead, they give willingly without becoming resentful about what they are or aren’t getting back.
  11. People who experience mature love don’t indulge themselves in thoughts that aren’t productive to the relationship.
  12. They don’t focus on thinking about how difficult the marriage is, how their spouse isn’t the same person they married or how much better life would be if they were with someone else.
  13. Instead, in mature love, people can think about the positive aspects of their relationship.
  14. They focus on looking at what they can do to make their spouse’s day a little better.
  15. They think about what they can contribute to the relationship.
  16. They also stay focused on making the best of what they have.
  17. They understand that this is the person they’ve chosen in life and that the relationship will be what they make of it.
  18. They understand that grass isn’t greener on the other side and it is less about who you marry and more about how you love the person that you’re married to.

Q: How would you define mature love? What do you think it takes to keep from falling out of love?

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Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?? Amos 3:3

A successful marriage is based on two things: ‘finding’ the right person, and ‘becoming’ the right person. And the second thing is harder than the first. Just because two people share the same bed and the same name, it doesn’t guarantee harmony.

Here are some practical suggestions based on the word E-V-A-L-U-A-T-E.

  • Enjoy: Do you enjoy the same things? Maybe it’s not a big deal now, but later when your husband is glued to the big match on TV and you want a little conversation, it will be.
  • Values. The Bible asks, ‘Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?’ Are you able to agree on major issues such as intimacy, parenting, finances, in-laws, goals, and your relationship with God? You may disagree over many things, but these are make-or-break issues.
  • Accessibility. Are you both emotionally accessible, or is he the strong silent type who doesn’t communicate-or understand your need to?
  • Love. Do you really love each other? Not the Hollywood version but the kind that listens to your spouse’s opinions and concerns, overlooks their faults and failings, values them, and expresses itself through kindness?
  • Understanding. As surely as God doesn’t make two snowflakes alike, He doesn’t make two people alike. So, can you understand and handle each other’s differences?
  • Appreciation. Your partner can’t read your mind, so get into the habit of expressing your appreciation for one another.
  • Temperament. If you’re naturally upbeat but they’re moody and introverted, you may have an oil-and-water mix. How will you handle this?
  • Environment. If you’re from different backgrounds, are you comfortable in the same social and spiritual settings?

If you want a happy marriage, E-V-A-L-U-A-T-E these things.

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Why is it so hard to say I’m sorry???  –Rahaman Kilpatrick’s Story

…And I’m not talking about a fake I’m sorry just to shut the person up.  But, a true to life, I’m actually really sorry. One Valentine’s Day, my wife and I got into this HUGE argument at The Cheesecake Factory about my spending habits and I KNEW without a shadow of a doubt I was right…that is until I got home and checked the checkbook and I was completely wrong. I sat on the couch for a good 2 hours before I could muster enough energy to get up and go to apologize, even though I knew I was dead wrong. So what was my problem? Pride was my problem.

The definition of pride is excessive belief in one’s own abilities, that interferes with the individual’s recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.

Wow…the sin from which ALL others arise. I’m here to let everyone know that there’s NO WAY that you can have a successful marriage, if you’re full of pride, because that’s going to stunt the growth of your marriage.

The funniest thing to me about saying I’m sorry is I’ve seen folk do literally EVERYTHING to try to say I’m sorry…without saying I’m sorry! Do you know how many times my wife and I were beefing and hours after not speaking, I walk in the room like “you want something from the store?” What I’m really saying is “I’m sorry” but since folk absolutely refuse to muster those words, me offering to get her something from the store is a peace offering that I want her to take as an apology. But at the end of the day, it’s not an apology.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. – Proverbs 11:2

There have also been SO many times that my wife and I were arguing and I felt like God was telling me to go upstairs to squash it… but 9 times outta 10, I didn’t. Then hours later, when I’m finally ready to apologize, now she’s looking straight, which in turn makes me even more angrier that I swallowed my pride (but I swallowed my pride when I wanted to, not when God told me to) and now she’s upset? Which just makes the anger and the argument last even longer than what it should have lasted.

What I’ve learned after 13 years of marriage, is that when God tells you to do something, you should do it. Don’t be like me and say “no thanks” because maybe when God is telling me to move, He may also be opening up my wife’s heart to forgive me and to accept my apology. But if I wait until I feel like doing it, now her heart is closed. Everything in the game of life is about timing. When a quarterback is throwing a pass to his receiver, that receiver is only open for a split second, throw it too late or too early it’s an incomplete pass or an interception and you don’t move anywhere down the field, you just stay in the same place. In fact, if the ball’s intercepted you actually lose ground.

Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice. – Proverbs 13:10

And to be honest, that’s what a lot of us are doing, staying in the same place, moving backwards or not moving anywhere in our marriages because a.) there’s too much pride involved and b.) we’re not moving when God tells us to. So about 5 years ago I made a New Year’s Resolution that I would start admitting when I was wrong. I can now say 13 years later that I’m a MUCH better at apologizing than I was when I first got married. But first, I had to understand AND grasp God’s placement for me as the head of the household of my marriage and family and two, I had to come to realize that I couldn’t be a great leader if I was SO prideful that I couldn’t admit when I’m wrong.

So, my challenge to the readers this week is if you’re beefing with someone, reach out just to say “I’m sorry.” Even if you feel like you did nothing wrong. Simply say “I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry for whatever part I played in our friendship not being what it used to be.” I’m telling you, once you learn to keep your pride at bay, you’ll have SO much more peace in your life…trust me on that.

WHAT IS MARRIAGE??? – Source: FB

weddings

Marriage is a School where u get the Certificate before u start.
A school where you will never graduate,
… A school without a break or a free period,
A school where no one is allowed to drop out,
A school which you will have to attend every day of your life,
A school where there is no sick leave or holidays.
A school founded by God:
1.On the foundation of love,
2.The walls are made out of trust,
3.The door made out of acceptance,
4.The windows made out of understanding
5.The furniture made out of blessings
6.The roof made out of faith
Before you forget, you are just a student not the principal, God is the Principal
Even in times of storms, don’t be unwise and run outside, remember this school is the safest place to be.
Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day
Never forget the C-word, Communicate, communicate, communicate to your classmate and to the Principal
If you find out something in your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate.
Remember your classmate is also just a student not a graduate, God is not finished with him/her yet.
So take it as a challenge and work on it together.
Do not forget to study, study, study the Holy Book (the main textbook in this school),
Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way.
Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to.
When tempted to quit find courage and continue.
Some tests and exams may be tough but remember the Principal knows how much you can bear.
But still it is a school better than any other,
It is one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and happiness accompany each lessons of the day.
Different subjects are offered in this school, yet love is the major subject, After all the years of theorizing about it, now you have a chance to practice it.
To be loved is a good thing, but to love is a greatest privilege of them all
Marriage is a place of love, so love your spouse..

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WHAT IS TRUE LOVE IN MARRIAGE?


“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. If you are not in a relationship now, remember this for the second (or third) time around. It’s never too late. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

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Conflict Resolution; 3 Reasons Why She May Be Nagging You

What is that crazy woman’s problem? She just wants to nag nag nag… while all you hear is womp womp womp. I mean seriously, does she really think all of this talking is getting her anywhere? Ain’t nobody got time for that. She needs to give you your peace and let you be. The world does not revolve around her but she always wants talk at all the wrong times (while you’re trying to sleep, eat, watch TV, have sex, and anything else you enjoy). Why can’t she understand you don’t like to be bothered like that. What could possibly be causing this woman to never shut it up?

You aren’t really listening – When your woman starts talking she wants your attention. Not some of it but your full attention. By being pre-occupied by other things she may feel insulted, neglected, or less valued by whatever it is you deem too important to turn away from at that moment. When this is a consistent pattern of behavior it can really get under her skin and out of frustration she will talk your ear off until you give her what she wants. In many cases, if you would just properly acknowledge her and give her your attention then that would satisfy her needs and she would be willing to give you back your sanity.  

You don’t do what you say – A woman wants to know she can count on you. That she can expect for you to keep your word and handle business when needed. Every time you tell her you’re going to “take care of it” and you don’t; well you have just opened the door to her nagging the crap out of you next chance she gets. Your inability to take action makes it hard for her to trust your words and sit by patiently for you to finally do it. Instead, it allows her to validate in her mind that she needs to constantly remind you or it will never be done. Learn how to back up your talk with actions. Being more consistent in that regard will go a long way towards bringing you and her more peace of mind.

There are unresolved issues – In some instances you may feel that you’re doing what you’re supposed to do. That you are listening and have made every effort to always keep your word. Yet you still find yourself feeling overwhelmed because your woman continues to come at you in a negative manner. Chances are, a deeper issue exists that isn’t being properly addressed. You may have done something to her previously that hurt her. Maybe it has nothing to do with you but outside factors have put her in a bad place. One way or another she isn’t happy and she is taking her frustration out on you. Don’t feed into the negativity. Don’t dismiss her as “crazy” and attempt to ignore her and her behavior. Take a positive approach to trying to uncover the issue and addressing it with her. Don’t fight fire with fire, fight it with love and you will see much better results. Always consider how you may be contributing to the issue.

Take a moment to self evaluate and embrace improving in areas that may be having a negative impact on your relationship. Effective communication is always needed to move things in a better direction. None of us are perfect but as men we should always strive to be better and set an example of the positive approach and behavior needed in all of our relationships.

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